If you have not yet picked your candidate, watch this informative video to find out where each presidential candidate stands on the important issues.

You can’t always be smooth…

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs."

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, they were called cavemen. Today, they are called golfers.

In these difficult times, we can all use a message of hope, a single image that speaks to us of love, harmony, peace, and joy. An image that suggests the universality of us all.

I found that image, and I want to share it with you:

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT:   Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION:  Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT:   Improper bladder control.
ACTION:  Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT:   Glass empty.
ACTION:  Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT:   You have fallen over backward.
ACTION:  Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT:   You have fallen forward.
ACTION:  See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT:   Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION:  Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT:   You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION:  Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT:   You are being carried out.
ACTION:  Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT:   Bar has closed.
ACTION:  Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT:   Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION:  Cover mouth.

Anyone remember the funny Superbowl ads that were run in the prehistoric times of the internet, before the dotcom crash?  Here is one of my favorites from Outpost.com: